Did you ever wonder why it’s so exhausting to be around someone who thinks they know what is ‘best for you’ – and lets you know about it, all the time?
I’m talking about those people in your life who dish out persistent advice and recommendations about very personal subjects like:
- What your religious/spiritual path and beliefs should be
- How you should spend your money
- What your priorities in life should be
- What you should do to fix an issue in your health/love life/finances/career, etc.
- How you should dress
Etc.
I’m sure you have at some point come across someone who constantly offers well-meaning (but unwanted) advice in one of those areas?
The thing about being around someone who offers constant unwanted prescriptions and advice for your life is that it’s not just draining in a surface way. It can affect your aura in an unexpected way.
When I read for someone who has been bossed around a lot (and who has never been able to say ‘Please stop bossing me around’) it shows up in their aura as a kind of negative energetic ‘clutter’ called unwanted influencing energy.
Unwanted influencing energy is astral level clutter that gets deposited in your aura when you are nagged, bossed around and told what to do. But it doesn’t get deposited every time this happens. The nagging and bossing needs to happen more than once, and usually as a result of the person on the receiving end of the energy FAILING to tell someone to back off.
When you have had a life full of being bossed around (say if you have had domineering family members or partners), your aura can be so full of unwanted influencing energy that it’s like clutter that stands in the way of you knowing what it is YOU want, and taking action on that, confidently. It can make it harder for you to move forwards.
Let me tell you a story to illustrate this:
Several years ago, when I got my first job as an English teacher in France, I was pretty irresponsible with my money. I was having financial crises every month because I’d spend my money on silly things that I didn’t need, then not be able to afford the basics. And it took me a few months to stop doing that. I was going through that phase some people go through when they first have a salary. At the time I had a friend who saw me lurch from one crisis to another. She used to lend me money here and there as I needed it and although I always paid her back, suffice to say she wasn’t too impressed at how irresponsible I was with my money.
She would constantly nag, boss me and moan about my behaviour. She stopped lending me money (rightly so.) Later on, when I wouldn’t be able to afford something she wanted to do with me, she would be annoyed with me and the lectures would start up.
In the end, I got fed up of the constant negativity coming from her about how I was irresponsible, so one evening, I angrily told her that I didn’t want any more advice or comments from her ever again. We fell out for a few weeks and then we made up again. She didn’t dish out any more advice after that and I starting learning how to be more sensible with money.
The falling out could have been prevented by me firmly saying pretty early on:
“Thanks for your advice, but I don’t want to talk about my financial situation anymore.”
But I didn’t, instead I just got very resentful over a period of months about the bossing and nagging that came from this person, and then the resentment boiled over.
Sound familiar?
Being nagged and bossed (and unable to tell someone to ‘push off’) can create negative ‘stuff’ for you in your aura and unwanted influencing energy is the most common kind of negative energy to show up for people in a situation like this.
How Can You Know if Unwanted Influencing Energy is a Problem for You?
Here are some signs that unwanted influencing energy is the number 1 form of energy ‘clutter’ you need to clear from your aura:
- You feel unclear about what it is that YOU want/think/feel
- Other peoples’ expectations and judgments weigh heavily on you
- You feel guilty if you do something that YOU want (as opposed to something you’ve been told/advised to do)
- You find it hard to speak up and say when you disagree with something someone is prescribing or recommending for you
- You worry about what others will think of you if you do your own thing and ignore their advice
When unwanted influencing energy is an issue, you can get stuck in a cycle of doing as you’re told, then you wonder why you’re so frustrated. Clearing this type of negative energy can be very freeing and empowering, allowing you to reconnect with what you want, and act on that. If you find it hard to tell people to back off, you may indeed have a lot of this cluttering up your aura.
How to Prevent Unwanted Influencing Energy from Affecting You
In order to avoid this being deposited in your aura, you need to let people know their advice for how you live your life is not needed or wanted. Often we have no idea how to do this (some people don’t even possess the language for it), especially if we’ve never seen parents or caregivers do it with others.
Phrases like the following ones are helpful:
“Please don’t make comments or judgments on my finances/social life/spiritual path again. It is up to me alone to decide what’s right for me.”
“Thanks for your advice, but I don’t agree. I don’t want to talk about this again.”
If someone is persistently pestering or nagging you after you have told them to back off, there is always the option of deleting their email/ending the conversation/leaving the room (and letting them know ahead of time that this is what is going to happen if they bring up the subject.)
Remember, the best way to prevent this energy from cluttering up your aura is to politely but firmly let people know that their advice/nagging/bossing is unwanted. Don’t assume that people already know this. Sometimes they don’t realise until you tell them. Most often, people who send you this energy are those who just desperately want you to do something differently, because they are sure you’d be happier. And they don’t realise that this has an unwanted energetic consequence.
To avoid causing this for anyone else, remember that everyone is on THEIR path for a reason, whether or not you agree with that path. All paths have value in the eyes of the soul. We can learn something from every experience, even if it seems painful or needless in the eyes of others.
I personally learned how to be more careful with money, partly through experiencing the consequences of being irresponsible with money.
Did you recognise yourself in the description above? Have a question for Anna? Please leave a comment below.
If you feel you are being affected by unwanted influencing energy, you may be interested in my book The Empath’s Toolkit, which teaches you how to clear it from your auric field.
Great article, Anna.
So, there’s a term for this, after all :). Thanks for this small terminology lesson :).
Great post, Anna. This is a subject that I knew nothing about.
Thanks 🙂 Yesterday I finally told my father about a spirit that’s been hanging around our house. Whenever I talk to him about spirits and stuff, he bosses me saying “There’s nothing to be afraid of. Your eyes are tired, you’re not actually seeing anything. Don’t believe in this ****. I’m older and know better.” but I know he DOES believe in spirits but doesn’t want to scare me because he’s told me of demons he’s seen before… he thinks I don’t remember.
I’ve never heard the term before, but you’re right in that the energy does certainly show up in a reading. The fact is that people have to learn their lessons in their own way and in their own time, and those of us who wish to “hurry it up” in the guise of kindness may actually be doing the person a disservice. Good point!
Hi Anna,
This unwanted influencing energy you’ve described so well, that it seems I’ve had difficulties with it, in particular with my mother. It’s been a long road. I think I have discovered I’ve been an uncontrolled empath for most of my life. There is a lot of emotion to try and learn to do right with.
Thank you so much for all your helpful wisdom.
It’s greatly appreciated.
Many many thanks, thanks a million.
Best wishes
Cliona
Thanks for this article, Anna. I get this kind of intrusion in my life all the time from people who are important to me…& who I know have their heart in the right place and wish me well….that makes it all the more difficult to ask them to ‘back off’, which has a high potential to hurt them.
Conversely, I find it difficult to prevent myself from giving advice to people I care about & who are not at all spiritual & are therefore unaware of their soul or it’s purpose (for eg. my teenage nephew, who does things that are (or will be) harmful for him). Is is ok to advice people in such a situation? Thanks!!
Image credit: Anne Taintor (maker of wonderfully sarcastic fridge magnets) – http://www.annetaintor.com
Really interesting and informative. And I love the site’s new look!
This is a pretty interesting synchronicity because I’ve recently been examining my issues with speaking up. It comes from all way to my childhood when my parents would try to force their idea of happiness on me, especially my mother.
And I had spoken up to my mother before but it’s like talking to a wall; she’d just say, Ok… and then later on she’ll bring it up again, and I go through the cycle over and over.
I know it sounds depressing but my #1 goal when I started going to high school was to figure out a way to get of the house as soon as possible.
And this actually spilt over to my adult life where I’d have unconscious issues with speaking up against unreasonable bosses, irrational friends, etc… Safe to say I had to really work at advocating myself damned be the consequences.
But you know what I’m all the wiser because I don’t force my idea of happiness on others because I have experienced what it’s like on the other receiving end. Sometimes you just have to go through the painful experiences in order to realize them; it’s not enough just to read good sounding advice.
Great article!
I’m glad this article resonated with those of you who commented.
Amy – thanks, I like it too 🙂
Anonymous – I think it’s fine to let your opinion be known once with those you care about. If you let it be known repeatedly without the person asking you for it, it can lead to the kind of energetic clutter I was talking about in the article. Especially if it’s the case that the person is very uncomfortable with hearing your opinion but can’t tell you so.
I love your article! I didn’t what this was until I stumbled upon this. This is a great help. Thanks!
I love this article. So many people try and be someone who they’re not just to please others. Thanks for sharing. 🙂
I can attest that a session with Anna for removal of energy clutter definitely helped me feel more empowered, be able to know what it is I want, be able to separate that from what other people say I should want, and be able to say no to others and clear their nags from my mind. Although the term “unwanted influencing energy” did not come up during the session, I now realize that is exactly what the problem was, and it was relieved when the clutter was cleared. Thanks, Anna.
@ Anna Sayce
This is a great article.
You have really really collected all the points and things that I thought were confusing me.
I liked the story of you and your friend.
To be honest, I do the same mistake of wasting money for temporary enjoyment or food. But now it is at the real worse position.
🙂 I can’t even walk straight, always walk with confusion lurking in my eyes. hahaha
Now I will apply your tips and I will gain control of myself back. I also feel that I am too old to change, twenty eight.
This article could bring tears to my heart.
each of my parents wanted to push me to do what they once wanted to do in their lives, which are different directions. i stood before them both, i struggled to do what i wanted to do, but at some point i couldn’t fight more and tried to do what they wanted me to do, but ofcourse even this didn’t satisfy them!!!!!!
what ever i did was not enough for them, all my efforts were worthless for them, i am always in comparison with others, i am always the loser part ofcourse, and the huge problem was that even after some time i don’t appreciate what i do and i always feel that i need to do more because whatever i do was not enough and was not good enough.
finally when i reached the point where i could actually kill my self, i stood again and faced all the troubles because of it till i could shut every one up.
then i looked around me, once i used to be self confident with all this high ambition and all the plans to become this bright person, especially that i’ve always been responsible and know exactly what i want, i look at my self, no self confident at all, i don’t know where to start from, they turned me into small pieces. now i am trying to gather back my self to start over. i just can’t stop thinking of all the wasted years, i could have done many things. now we are cool, but i just can’t forgive them, to be honest, their voices can bring me physical pain.
i am now 29, just after i read many articles and subjects i could understand what was happening and what happened to me so i reach to this point i my life. i still believe that i can accomplish something, i will not surrender, but those beautiful years, i feel as if they were thrown into a garbage can.