In February 2011, there was a large earthquake in Christchurch, New Zealand. I was living in Christchurch at the time. I moved to Christchurch in June 2010 to work at a language school in the city centre – I only ended up staying a couple of months at the language school but continued to live in Christchurch.
The earthquake was of course very traumatic. I think the most traumatic thing about an earthquake is that something so powerful can come along in an instant, possibly destroying your home or your livelihood and if you are unlucky, it can kill you too. If you live in an earthquake prone zone, it’s a threat you have to live with at all times.
Large and damaging earthquakes can also leave an imprint on your soul and your emotions. For me, this took the form of no longer trusting in God or the universe. I think that for a lot of people, when you are in your early twenties, you truly believe that you are invincible and that bad things happen to other people. I felt that I was somehow protected against accidents, illnesses or disasters.
So it was eye opening to have that illusion shattered. When the earthquake happened, I was standing at my kitchen sink. I think when these things happen, time slows down because of all the adrenaline that is being pumped into your bloodstream, I watched the ceiling and walls move, and I saw my TV fall off and pictures coming off walls and CDs sliding off shelves. I thought about the people that were obviously going to be dead outside, and I also cursed God because I thought I was going to die seeing as the building was obviously about to collapse and I felt it wasn’t my time to go.
Even though I survived, it didn’t matter – I was still angry with God and the Divine intelligence behind it all.
Looking back, I realise my apartment had been the best place for me at the time, because if I had been at work, I would have been in a lot of danger. The street I used to work on, at the language school, was completely destroyed with many injured and dead people.
I was lucky I had a client session that morning so I was at home. If I hadn’t had a client, I would have been out doing my grocery shopping. Plus the store I used to shop at had partially collapsed in the earthquake and the street above is one of the streets I walked down on my way to the store. The other street I used to walk down, Colombo Street, was just as devastated.
After the earthquake, I left the city feeling kind of broken. I decided I no longer wanted to live in the apartment where I thought I was going to die and so I moved away. Life post-earthquake was stressful. I made a few trips from Blenheim to Christchurch to retrieve my things. I remember crying in the arms of a gas station attendant and with the nice lady at the health food shop. En route to Blenheim, on the hill some kind soul had written KIA KAHA CHCH (stay strong, Christchurch, in Maori) using stones. That made me cry, too.
For me, the earthquake woke me up and made me realise that the life I was living needed to change. The earthquake said to me: “LOOK! Here is what’s wrong.”
My life started to unravel in a few different ways, I parted ways with my family of origin, realising that we were going in opposite directions, and I have changed and healed and evolved so much since then.
One of the interesting things I learned along the way is that when you go through a trauma in this lifetime, it can open portal ways in your subconscious mind to past life traumas that you’re still carrying around.
So many of my past lives have been about survival; and the struggle between life and death. My most recent past life, which I wrote about here, (it was a Holocaust lifetime) ended in me being shot in the head right when I didn’t expect it. Going through the earthquake opened a portal way for that past life to leak through and brought back the feeling that God had betrayed me and abandoned me by letting me die and surprising me with a sudden death.
Healing that past life through a past life regression helped to restore my faith and heal the disconnect.
Then recently, in Blenheim (where I live) we had another big earthquake. This time, I felt alarmed for a short time but not traumatised.
I spent the day wondering whether I really wanted to live in an earthquake prone zone. When I channeled my Higher self and Guides, they said to me:
“There is no safety on Earth, wherever you go in this world there will be dangers, real and imagined.”
The only safety is in spirit and in the divine intelligence, knowing that whatever happens, is your soul’s plan, and if you die it is your time to go. You are always safe, in spirit.
I knew this in theory before the earthquake, but I didn’t know it in practice until after the earthquake.
It is funny that you talk about a holocaust lifetime. I believe I lived during that time, in the France/Switzerland area – or at least had been there. My whole life, since I was a child, I had dreams of running from soldiers, hiding in hallways, basements, doorways, woods, you name it. Sometimes I was freezing. Sometimes just going through mountainous woods. Hiding people and hiding myself at times.
As a child, the sound of sirens scared me to death and I used to tell my mom ‘The ambulance is peeking in the window’. In my mind, I saw black, gingerbread shaped men that would come surround our house but now I wonder if they were Nazis. Also, I was terrified of planes and plane crashes and my sister and I, from the ages of 6 (her) and 3 (me) always packed our emergency bag with our most important possessions, a bible, our ‘pinky’ stuffed animals, and ironically, candy bars that often melted in the bags. We would put them under our bed at night to grab in an emergency. We slept sucking our thumbs and we would face each other and hook our pinky fingers so we could not be separated. We would go over our escape plan before going to bed. My oldest daughter (24) recently heard us talking and shared that she always had the same dreams too.
I had panic attacks through my teens until in my 30’s. I’m 50 now and feel great. But I think it was all related. Prayers for you in all your endeavors. Thank you for sharing your stories and being so honest!
We don’t die. We can be killed, maimed, boiled in oil – but we don’t die. We live in fear or love. Fear is ultimately the fear of death. But we don’t die! So get courageous, make the changes you need to make – and live in love. Embrace whatever adversity comes your way: it is an opportunity. All power to you Anna.
Thank you for sharing Anna. I do love your honesty with all your communication. I, for one, am really grateful that 2011 wasn’t your time to go ‘home’, as I wouldn’t have done your courses then! Love and blessings, Savannah.
Thanks for sharing. I have some family history in NZ.
But yes it’s a great sign of spiritual progress in how we respond to trauma. Do we sink deeper into our past and stories of blame? Or do we recognize the opportunity to resolve the past and break out? Great to see how you handled it. It can take a little time to gain perspective after a life-shattering event. But completing the process and letting it go is so important.
Adyashanti said “…anytime we contract from direct experience and spin a story, we have gone unconscious… whatever emotion that happened at that time will be locked into our system.”
Those unresolved emotions build up as an internal fog, getting in the way of inner clarity and also getting in the way of connecting to love and happiness within.
But being patient with ourselves and allowing the process to complete can be a deep growth experience. Same circumstance, different response.
Good on ya. (er – I guess thats Aussie)
Hi Anna,
I live in san diego California as you know California is earthquake zone. Although I haven’t experienced a bad earthquake I know what you mean when suddenly my apt starts swaying back and forth and youre not sure what’s going on then you think oh noo earthquake! And you grab what you can and don’t know how long its going to last or how hard its going to be. Then the fear of the after shocks and having a first aide kit at the door along with important personal belongings. But strange enough I kinda like that rush maybe I am foolish because I haven’t had my home destroyed buy it. But suddenly I forget all my problems during an earthquakemy problems seem so small. It’s like mother nature reminding us about the important things and how strong she is and how everything you have can dissapear in a few seconds. It reminds me to be grateful for a while lol and I have also thought about moving away but every place has something, tornados, hurricanes, etc earthquakes are now appearing where you least expect them as well as hurricanes soo there’s no point in running lol glad you’re getting use to them. Good luck and remember you’re protected 🙂
Once again, Anna, thank you for your honesty and eloquence.
I loved the message from your guides/Higher Self, and I needed to be reminded of it (just yesterday I was thinking I’d like to be free of the fear I feel when I’m travelling in a car).
I also love that you were able to make positive changes after being shaken up.
I am not saying I like earthquakes btw nor any disrespect to your experience. Im just saying my experience with them, I sorta grew up with them. But thank god the expected big one hasn’t happened……yet :/ and we are all basically expecting a big earthquake and unfortunately there are many prophecies about California dissapearing. Every time I hear of an earthquake I wonder if we are next. But I guess we sorta have to live with that and be prepared and have a plan and pray we its not a big one.
I too am going through big changes and listen more carefully to what essense or spirit has for me. I believe trauma can also open you up to more heightened spiritual gifts. And am learong to surrender and allow people to help me. Receiving. Much love and peace being sent to you. Cheryl.
There are many sources of wisdom and you are one of them. It is wise to take the view of others when it [the information] seems fresh and capable of teaching that which must be continually taught and remembered when away from the source. A daily task if life is to be lived in profit and calmness. Thank you.
I can relate to your earthquake experiences, being from California. I went through the big quake in San Francisco in ’89, in which freeways collapsed and the Bay Bridge fell in. That was quite something. I decided to move somewhere less trembly after college!
I think that for me, the fear of death has waned as I’ve gotten older, until there is virtually none at all. I too realize that we don’t die, we can’t control everything, and the best you can do is to make the best of every day you do have, knowing that if it doesn’t work out, you can probably come back and try again anyway. For me that takes a lot of the anxiety out of living. 🙂
Dear Anna, I always appreciate how you share your life with us. Yes you are psychic but grounded too. You show how day-to-day life is real and traumatises us sometimes even though we may be psychic and following the “spiritual” path. We are not above hurts, pain and anger nor can we always take the higher road and glide through trauma in Zen mode – which I find is sometimes expected from people like us and make us feel like we are failing or are inadequate.
I am curious about you parting from your family of origin because they are walking a different path. Would you care to share more – only if you wish to of course? I find myself walking a different path from them too and it can be quite traumatic and a lot of reconcile with. Thanks Anna.
sorry bout’ the sudenim(sp?)
you have a marvellous look about you Anna.You look tremendously kind! stay strong! It upset me to read your blog from when you were in Australia.As for Christchurch!!! Doing your kind of work demands SUCH strength! As for writing…..I don’t care for what some people said about “leaving your blog”….”its good to hear you’re real”..etc…I think they are people thinking about they’re own gain and not your health or emotional wellbeing! I feel Australia is kind of one or two steps ahead of Central American or African countries sometimes…..no kidding!! wish you absolute goodness and breath to your life. You are passionate and thats good….just live it with wisdom. Peace to you and your practice. xx
Dear Anne
You have explained a physical threat which changed the path of your life.
But imagine people like me, expecting a catastrophe to happen in every minute of their life time. From Novemeber 2010, my life was literally a hell. But I learned a lot. How to over come fear, how to believe in God and understanding god.
I am reading Books by ‘Brian L Weiss’ which changed my approach to life. Interpretation to ‘Bhagavath Gita’ also boost my courage.
But still some thing is missing in my life.
If this is my case, what would be the life of those people who still dont know how to deal with the stress and ‘Panic Attack’.
I believe you can do much more in this area which will reach the people like a gift of God.