Please don’t put me on a pedestal

Recently I wrote an article which explains why I’ve been off work for the last few months. (If you haven’t read that article, you can read it here.)

In short, I had a life-changing medical diagnosis and I’m busy working on changing myself, my habits, my environment, my self talk, my beliefs, my thoughts and my emotional state, in order to be healed.

In this post, I wanted to respond to a piece of feedback in the comments section and share my reply here, because I realise I haven’t shared the backstory of how I developed this illness, and I want to do that.

Here’s the feedback (which I’ve shortened for brevity):

Hi Anna,

This is very disheartening (that you have developed lupus). I thought you were the most energetically clear person I have come to know because you possess all the healing modalities for yourself and others. On top of that, you know what you are and what you have been at soul level.

Now after reading your account, I am discouraged to know that healers/knowers/Realized ones suffer more than or similar to ordinary persons who only have 3D survival instincts without bothering least about their soul origins, chakra balancing, PLR, cord cutting, 3rd eye opening, kundalini activation, accessing akashic records, crystal healing etc. etc.

In my opinion (which has become strong now after seeing many lightworkers whose blog I follow), by practicing all these modalities, healers become imbalanced in their physical and non-physical bodies and lose grounding like you said – you found your energy body totally empty.

Although your account is honest but somewhat pointing towards the hopelessness and emptiness of these healing methods, rather they are risky and harmful after prolonged usage/practices.

Wishing you speedy recovery and normalcy.

Best regards, Honey

Here’s my response:

I feel the weight of your expectations and disappointment in what you wrote. I ask that you please knock me off any pedestal you may have put me on, because I have struggles, just like everyone else. I have been clear about this in my past writings.

Having a clear energetic field is not the same as having an empty energy field. My energy field may be somewhat clear but it hasn’t been full of vital life force in the last few years.

You also couldn’t be more wrong in your assessment that all the healing modalities that I’ve done, have harmed me.

Here’s the wider perspective on that:

I had a dysfunctional childhood and adolescence, with abuse, emotional neglect and trauma. I have an ACE score of 7, which is fairly high.

(ACE stands for Adverse Childhood Event. The ACE score is a measurement of adversity that is encountered during childhood. You can find out more about it here.)

Here’s an excerpt from an article about ACE’s:

“Experiencing 4 or more ACEs is associated with significantly increased risk for 7 out of 10 leading adult causes of death, including heart disease, autoimmune disease, stroke, cancer, COPD, diabetes, Alzheimers and suicide.”

“Risk for the 80 or more types of autoimmune diseases increases as ACE scores rise. For every increase in the ACE score of 1 point, risk for developing an autoimmune disease such as type 1 diabetes, lupus, rheumatoid arthritis and many others goes up by 20%.”

Researchers have found that having experienced a lot of childhood adversity causes many problems later in life, including health problems, unemployment, homelessness, substance abuse, violence, and a shortened lifespan.

With an ACE score of 7, my risk of developing lupus is 140% higher than someone with no ACEs and my lifespan is at high risk of being shortened by 20 years.

I was one of 5 children. My older brother became a heroin addict and died early (he was diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder when he was in prison, and he was abusive towards me growing up.)

Some of my other brothers have also struggled with serious substance abuse issues. One of my parents has issues with substance abuse and was emotionally absent, the other was narcissistic.

People who grow up in a childhood situation like mine do not tend to do well in life. Later in life they are often unemployed, in an abusive relationship, ill, and/or struggling with substance abuse.

I’ve defied the odds and broken the cycle of dysfunction and abuse I grew up with.

I do not struggle with substance abuse. I do not get into abusive relationships (although I used to when I was younger). I am not unemployed. I completed my education. I’m surrounded by emotionally healthy people and have some pretty great relationships. I managed to answer the calling that Spirit gave me and found the courage within me to choose quite an unconventional career and be successful & visible in the (sometimes cruel) online space, which is no small feat, especially for someone with zero family support.

Do you think I managed to do the above without modalities such as psychotherapy, EMDR, past life regression and cord cutting? No, those things helped me greatly over a period of 20 or so years.

Therapy allowed me to understand what happened to me and it (along with cord cutting) helped me to stop choosing abusive relationships when I was in my twenties. EMDR gave me invaluable insight into my subconscious programming and has allowed me to shed some of it. Past life regression has stopped my recurrent nightmares. Both therapy and cord cutting gave me the courage to be visible in my career.

I do however still have a tendency to live in the emotions of stress, and this is likely due to how my brain developed as a child and the environment I lived in.

I also experienced significant stress as an adult that impacted my health – problems with siblings, my brother dying of substance abuse, a parent struggling with substance abuse, and a deadly earthquake, amongst other things.

In the 9 month period before I became ill, there was a situation in my family with one of my siblings who was in an abusive relationship and around the same time, narrowly avoided prison due to drug related crimes. I was his main emotional and financial support (this support enabled him to complete rehab, which is what allowed him to avoid prison) and it took a huge toll on me.

I was tearing my hair out for months on end (because addicts don’t fully take responsibility and tend to ask those around them to rescue/enable them, and navigating this was very stressful) and this is a big part of what triggered the illness and thoroughly emptied my energy body of the remaining vital life force energy I had left.

In addition, around this time I completed 34 sessions of EMDR, which meant reliving a lot of past trauma in order to heal it, and I did not have the energy to do this, but I pushed through regardless.

(Just a side note also that I did not say that therapy, EMDR or past life regression are worthless. I said they have value as long as you are not chronically ill. But if you are chronically ill, use with caution and perhaps wait until you are better to benefit from them. I will be doing more past life regression when lupus has permanently disappeared from my body, which it absolutely will.)

It’s been hard for me to completely escape my past but I made the decision to end all immediate family relationships for now (except the ones with my nieces and cousins) so that I can stop living in the emotions of stress, while I heal.

And I’m proud that I’ve broken the cycle of trauma, abuse, narcissism and substance abuse, that goes back many generations and I’m proud of all the healing I’ve done.

This past story of childhood trauma and adversity is in the past. I’ve released it.

The lupus, as far as I’m concerned, is just a hangover from having dealt with so much emotional stress over the years, and it is in the process of being kicked to the curb.

I hope this gives you the wider perspective on my health problems.

Lupus is a gift from Spirit, who is effectively saying, “you have done a lot of healing, but you’ve become stuck recently in your negative beliefs, emotions and thoughts. Here’s a reason & motivation to do a different kind of healing.”

The various modalities I’ve used have mitigated the effects of the stress on my body and soul, but ultimately, when you get to the kind of place I’ve arrived at (health wise), the best way to stop living in the emotions of stress is to do a long-term program of brain retraining, such as DNRS.

Honey observed in her comment that many light workers and healers appear to be susceptible to developing health problems. This is true, but it isn’t because of their work or because they practise or have used lots of healing modalities.

The reason for this tendency is because many light workers, psychics and healers were abused and traumatised children. When a person is traumatised and it keeps happening, that person often learns to dissociate, which means that your consciousness exits your body and you become more attuned to the energetic realm in doing this. Such a person is then more likely to use these skills later in life, in psychic and healing work, simply because they have developed them. I talked more about how this occurs in this article:

P.S. Here’s a page where you can take the ACE quiz in case anyone reading is interested in doing that.

Meet Anna

Hi, I’m Anna Sayce! My purpose here on this website is to provide practical techniques and information to help empaths to understand, and fix the root of their energetic overwhelm & also to help sensitives to embrace and develop their intuitive gifts. I believe that developing our spiritual & intuitive side is very powerful and allows us to improve our own lives, and if we wish, even make the world a better place for others. Discover more >


  1. Honey

    Dear Anna, thank you for sharing your personal details. That’s very brave of you. I am sorry. I don’t intend to sound like disregarding or disrespecting your healing modalities. I have had similar situations in my childhood like a very dysfunctional, abusive, emotionally devoid family and not-so-great youth either. For the last many years I have been reading your blog and finding solace in it but got disturbed reading what you have been going through. I fully sympathize with you. My sincere and best wishes to you. Thanks for sharing the ACE quiz link.

  2. Anna Sayce

    Thank you, Honey. I’m sorry to hear you have a similar background.

    I’m glad you posted your observations because it gave me an opportunity to provide the backstory which I think could be helpful to others who are going through or have been through something similar. I hope you don’t mind I used your comment to write an article.

  3. Fatima

    I like your newsletters but wondered where you went. I hope you find the best way for you and feel good again. You are needed with its light for others.
    I offer many different healing sessions
    If you want healing from me, please contact me, it will be a gift from me to YOU. Lots of love and light for you…

  4. Susan savage

    Our dear Anna, thank you for sharing such a huge part of you with us. I want to let you know, that as a Navajo older lady, we hold you up – native way this means that we support you, as the pedestal concept is weird for us to conceptualize….

  5. Tom Steward

    Dear Anna, what an amazing journey of challenge and discovery you are on. I honor you for your courage and transparency as you allow all of us here to witness the miracle of your ongoing evolution. I am also proud of you for all that you have integrated in order to heal as you progress toward wholeness. Much love and strength to you.

  6. Thomas Steward

    Anna, I also received a score of “7” on the ACE. I believe that is a lot to overcome for many of us who have higher numbers. You are right that it explains a lot about the illnesses and troubles we have as adults. Also, I have found doing past life regression (QHHT) that there are many challenges that were specifically signed up for ahead of time for our growth and development. There are times when the reason an illness is present is not poor choices, repressed emotions, unhealthy lifestyle, negative thinking, etc., but rather something that the person elected ahead of time to experience. You can’t heal something when there is an assignment for that illness with a specific purpose and result in mind. Another example is I have a cough and I often clear my throat. I have searched for physical and emotional factors, like nervous tic or anxiety, and have even had an ultrsound. I found out in a past life regression that I was lynched and I clear my throat to honor the man I was in the late 1800’s. So many reasons for what occurs in our lives and there is always something to be learned or gained.

  7. Frank Baldratti

    In every way, I send much prayers and good thoughts for your recovery…and happiness….


  8. Allie

    Dear Anna, I think what really inspires me about you is how you share your life and struggles so openly (but constructively). It’s an example of how to be really brave online and in life. Opening up so much is a really powerful and courageous thing to do and that proves the person’s strength. I don’t even remember who said this (perhaps an Indian saint): “The weaker the body, the stronger the soul”. Illness is a spiritual gift and I wish you joyful acceptance!

  9. Melissa

    Dear Anna, Thank you for sharing your not only your gifts with us but now your illness. Often we don’t want to discuss the details of life struggles for fear of judgment or pity. However, there’s a much greater need. That need is for the people that maybe struggling like you and just need to have one person they can relate with or to learn from.

    If I may, I’d like to suggest you research one thing for your healing and that’s the Mind Eye Institute. You can view their website ; there are many YouTube videos too. After a surgery 2.5 years ago I suffered many health conditions. Many, of which, could be autoimmune, but were dismissed by medical professionals.

    After becoming so debilitated with light and noise sensory issues I came across Mind Eye Institute. They changed my life!!! No medication. It’s simple knowledge of healing our brain through our eyes. This is a very simple version to keep from going into great detail. They have been doing this for 30 years. I can’t say enough for the immediate relief from fatigue I felt. Now I have my “Brain Glasses” and am excited for my future for the first time in 2.5 years.

    Again, thank you for sharing. Best wishes on your recovery.


  10. Anna Sayce

    Thank you, everyone for your kind comments and for sharing your insights – they are much appreciated! Anna x

  11. Leila

    Anna, thank you for sharing your story and modeling such vulnerability. I wish that more healers felt comfortable in doing so. I believe that it helps people understand that all humans are doing the best that they can at any given time, with the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual resources available to them, and that healing is possible. I join you in knowing that you are filled with vibrant, radiant health, in every aspect of your being!

    Best wishes and joy in your journey,

  12. Kate

    Thoughts on the ACE test…. These are awful, traumatic physical abuses – most linked to addiction. I think equivalent trauma can occur also when non-physical forms of abuse occur. I suffered from abandonment, neglect and rejection as a child. No physical harm or addiction issues. But I felt fearful and went to great lengths not to be seen. I wonder if there is a measurement, like the ACE test, for these issues?

  13. Anna Sayce

    Hi Kathy, I have heard various experts on this topic opine that emotional abuse can be more damaging for children than physical abuse and I can see their reasoning behind that.

  14. Anna Sayce

    Sorry – Kate (not Kathy!)

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