Do We Have a Twin Flame or Soulmate?

I recently received an interesting question from a reader:

“In one of your articles, Anna, you said that you don’t really believe in Twin Flames.

And I would so much want to hear your opinion about twin flames phenomenon – what you think of this and why you don’t believe in them?

If twin flames (as in, one soul in two bodies) don’t exist, then how do you explain this type of connection that goes beyond a soul mate connection?”

~ Sofia

Thanks Sofia for your question.

I don’t believe in twin flames, but I do believe in soulmates. In this article, I’m going to explain why.

The Origin of Twin Flames

This concept of twin flames can be traced back to the Ancient Greeks. In Plato’s philosophical text the Symposium, the character Aristophanes seeks to explain why people seek their “other half” and feel whole when they’re in love.

He jokingly puts forward the idea that in primitive times, human beings were contained in one body, but had two faces and two sets of limbs. These creatures became so powerful that the God Zeus wanted to blast them with a thunderbolt to kill them, but instead, he split their bodies in half, separating them forever. When these two separated parts find one another again, they finally feel whole and never want to be separated again.

Scholars believe that this part of Plato’s text, with its description of cart-wheeling people with two heads and two sets of limbs, is actually meant as satire or comic relief.  But this idea that there is one person “meant” for us, with whom we will feel whole and complete (essentially our “other half”), nevertheless has caught on in popular culture and new age theory.

Personally, I don’t believe that another person holds the other half of our soul.

On the other hand, I DO believe in soulmates.

This belief is based on my experiences doing romantic relationship readings for others, experiences as a past life regressionist in training and as a client, and as a reader of various new-age authors.

Soul Family and Soulmates

One of the new-age authors whose findings about soulmates make the most sense to me (and which most closely reflects my own experiences, professional and personal) is Michael Newton. Michael Newton was a hypnotherapist who regressed clients to the ‘bardo’ – the place in between lifetimes, where souls plan their lives on earth and undertake a life review. He researched the nature of the afterlife and built his theories based on his clients’ accounts of what happens between lives, and was amazed at how similar the responses were.

(If you haven’t read his work before I highly recommend it.)

In his books Destiny of Souls and Journey of Souls, he explains that we have a group of souls with whom we work closely on the other side. We incarnate primarily with these souls, over and over, and they show up as our friends, lovers, and sometimes family relationships. These are the souls with whom we will be closely bonded in this life. Some people call this group our ‘soul family’ and there tends to be between 5 and 20 souls in this group.

These souls are your soulmates. Some of them will be closely bonded to you for life, while others will come in just for a while. These souls embody energies that you benefit from, and are lacking in yourself, and you will embody energies that the souls around you need and benefit from. So for example, perhaps you bring loving, gentle energies and the people around you are reminded to be kinder to themselves and others when they’re with you. If a close relationship, past or present, has taught you something that helped you to evolve, change or become a better person, that person is likely to be a soul-mate of yours. We all teach one another in this way.

Sometimes these souls may come in to teach you something specific in a short amount of time, and the relationship might even be an unpleasant or tumultuous one. I had a few disastrous relationships with men in my early twenties which set me on the path I am on now, and although they weren’t easy or pleasant, they did teach me something about who I am and what I believed about myself back then.

So, I do not believe there is one soulmate that you must be bonded with in a romantic way. I do believe that there does tend to be one of our soulmates with whom we do more of our spiritual evolution work, than the others – but the type of relationship does not have to be romantic. If it isn’t romantic, it could be a family relationship or a friendship instead.

In my view, the feeling of bliss and wholeness that comes from meeting a soulmate can come from falling in love, or it can come from the fact that we may have spent many lifetimes with these souls.

As an exercise which demonstrates the power of these bonds, think of a family member or someone you have grown up with (someone you love) – perhaps a parent, sibling or cousin. When you bring this person to mind, you might feel the bond, sense of belonging and the good memories that the connection holds for you.

Now imagine multiplying that feeling 10, 20 or 30 times over. Perhaps your sister in this lifetime has also been your lover or spouse in several lifetimes, and also at times your friend, sibling, or your parent. These are strong bonds, and when we meet a soulmate we can feel or ‘remember’ those bonds – we recognise these people.

Wholeness and Soulmates

In my view, the more limiting aspect about this idea of a twin flame is the idea that someone else can complete us or make us feel whole, and in the absence of that person, we are not whole.

Although people can enrich our lives through their presence, I believe that we are all whole souls, and ideally we will bring a sense of that wholeness to our relationships. I also think that we tend not to feel permanently complete or satisfied, in a relationship or out of it. There is always something more that we will be seeking or wanting and that is the nature of being human. Therefore, if we feel dissatisfied in our lives, this does not necessarily mean that we haven’t yet found someone who is right for us, romantically speaking.

Over to you – do you believe in soulmates or twin flames? What experiences have you had which inform your beliefs?

I’d love to hear from you about this fascinating topic.

Meet Anna

Hi, I’m Anna Sayce! My purpose here on this website is to provide practical techniques and information to help empaths to understand, and fix the root of their energetic overwhelm & also to help sensitives to embrace and develop their intuitive gifts. I believe that developing our spiritual & intuitive side is very powerful and allows us to improve our own lives, and if we wish, even make the world a better place for others. Discover more >


  1. Jen

    thank you Anna–clears up the concept of soul mates–I have my soul mates (friends, family)

  2. Sarah Holbrook

    Thank you for this, I can relate to soul mates, in many forms. I am now just realizing all those visions and dreams, are indeed messages. I come from Scotland and now live in the USA. I am at the stage of awakening and its very exciting!

  3. Stephanie

    I used to believe in twin flames but I feel now that we have various different soul mates that at times are here with us to complete a contract or a spiritual journey. I say “I used to” because I feel that as my psychic abilities have developed after my initial spiritual awakening the person that I feel was my twin flame was a soul mate that I needed for a larger transformation in my life. I think the concept of learning to care for yourself and look inward to understand your external environment is positive but to say that there is one twin flame that you are meant to be with because they are the other half of you is not what I believe to be true. I believe it is about finding wholeness within yourself.

  4. Anne

    I believe in soul mates. Not just one. As you’ve written so well, we attract certain souls to push, pull and learn. I also believe, once we’ve learned the purpose of the lesson, we may choose a different challenge to learn, which will attract new souls that will help us expand on our new journey.

    I know without a shadow of a doubt that my ex-husband is my soul mate. At a deep level. But living with him was no picnic. He was abusive (nearly killed me twice) and he ended up committing suicide. But I recognized him immediately at 18 when we first met. I felt we had some kind of contract. I wanted to leave so many times, and in any other situation, I probably would have had the strength… but with him, I felt entangled beyond this lifetime. I’ve done a lot of work to clear myself of repeating the patterns of self-loathing… and I thank him for loving me enough to choose to be the bad guy this time around. And I’m sure we’ll meet again… but I hope it will be within a healthier union.

    I also have other soul mates that nudge me along in less dramatic ways, but my tug (true ultimate guide) recognizes them as important to my journey.

    Twin flames? Not so much. I agree that we are all whole. That we are one (unless our separateness is being separate from the ONE?) If we are co-creators, then perhaps the oneness we long for is the integration with the ALL. Just musing.

  5. Kristine

    Having loved and lost my soul mate and a very young age, I can tell you, he surely did exist. As I continue my life without him in body, j can feel him in spirit loving and guiding me. I also have my soul family. My best friend I met on the first day of kindergarten and we recognized each other right away. The love and support we provide one another is more than anyone else in our lives can provide. It is not unreasonable to believe yourself whole without your soulmate, as a light turned on can light a room. But when two souls intertwine they can light a house.


  6. Iseke

    I agree with many of the points you’ve made–there are a lot of troubling concepts that come in tandem with the “twin flame” theory. However, I don’t think most people really understand it.

    It’s not just that it’s a matter of you have to have experienced it to KNOW what it’s about. But there is a distinct difference between the writing of those who have experienced it and those who haven’t in terms of how they approach the topic. Your approach is reasonable, level-headed, logical, and intellectual. But it’s not personal. You’re responding to the after-effects, the vague romanticized pop-culture version. It’s not what I’ve experienced at all. But to be fair, that’s all you’ve got to work with when all you see is so many people (usually emotionally dependent or otherwise comprised people) clinging to this idea that they need some perfect Other to make them whole.

    Twin souls, as I understand it, is not a subtractive element. It’s an additive one. The experience of meeting your own soul in another body is not about incompleteness (since you are also your soul in your own body) but about seeing yourself in another in its most pure form. Of course we see ourselves in everyone because we all reflect each other, but there is something profound and transforming about meeting your own soul while incarnate in a visceral way. You are never the same again, whether you end up with them or not. Sometimes, a romantic connection is impossible and that is exactly the way it is meant to be. Other times, a romantic connection may be the most effective vehicle for some people to some to terms with their own soul.

    I’m aware that some of those big writers who have regressed others have not come across meaningful evidence of twin soul connections, but many others have. (Michael Newton also believes that animals are on different soul tracks than humans, something that has absolutely not been my experience or observation.) I think we’re all just getting different pieces of the puzzle here, and that’s fine.

    As always, your clarity and level-headedness in the realm of spiritual topics is much appreciated. I merely wish to say that the twin flame theory you write about here is not at all akin to my actual twin soul experience.

  7. Anna

    Thanks to everyone for adding your comments…

    It is always interesting to hear about other viewpoints and experiences!

  8. Cami


    I too know that Twin Flames are real.

    Perhaps not in the old story of how we came about as you wrote in this post but we do exsist. I am married to my Soul Mate however I do know my Twin Flame. I cannot yet describe what we are going to be to each other in this life but I know without a shadow of doubt we are Twins. We have travelled together for many many lives and we have something to complete in this lifetime, together.

    He is out of reach for the time being as my season (lesson) or love with my Soul Mate husband is not complete however our paths will run parallel later. I know the feeling to the very core of my soul and I do not question. Him and I have been brought together again and again and we will continue to do so. We have been lovers, best friends and spouses many many times. I know a lot of my other Soul Mates but their feelings and their connections are not quite the same as a Twin Flame. It is a profoundly different connection, and one I hope everyone is able to feel. but as you and Natasha said it is not always of the romantic variety. I feel a deep love for mine in the romantic spectrum however will never ever betray my Soul Mate and husband. If my Twin and I are to be romantic then we will but until hubby and I learn our lesson that will not happen.

    Brightest blessings Anna, and I certainly do not mean to degrade anything you have stated in the human form as in any form we all have our beliefs. 🙂

  9. Katie

    Thank you, Anna for starting the conversation. I personally do not have any first hand experience with twin flames however I did give an Akashic Record reading to a client who has and it was a very not-of-this-earth kind of connection.
    For me, I have decided to live my life by staying open to the possibilities. I have found that the truth can really be more subjective than one may have originally thought and by staying open to different perspectives, it can help you to continually evolve in your own ideas as well. As I side note, as I write this I am having an impression that I feel guided to share with you. I am getting the sense that you actually have a twin flame that is seeking to connect with you, perhaps through your dream state which on some level you are aware of as this has been on your mind.

  10. Kelley

    Soul mate, no soul mate… twin flames.
    I know that I have had visions of one of my close souls. Will I say that he is my soul mate? Maybe, maybe not, but what I can say is this. I have met many people and each and everyone of them have brought me a from of completeness. Yes, there are people who I have felt an instant connection with and others that I have had to work for a relationship with. But each one is special to me and I wish that I could spend special time with each one.

  11. Angelica

    I have always been perplexed by the idea of soul mates and twin flames. One time I was so in love with someone, it even still hurts to be without them to this day, that I believed he was my complete and utter soul mate. However, the way he treated me couldn’t possibly be acceptable in someone who should love me without condition? Then, on the other hand, where you talked about soul family, I have joked with my mother about how we’re soul mates. When I said this, I think she assessed and realized that I am absolutely right. I feel like we were destined to be together no matter what. Then, a little more strange, I felt like my dog was my soul mate. There has only ever been a few people that I would fight for and sacrifice for and she was one of them. I don’t know if you believe animals have souls, but I do. I believed Shasta was supposed to be mine from the moment I saw her and her presence still comes to me since she’s passed away. I’m pregnant now and I feel her even more.

    At any rate, the phenomenon of soul mates is really a remarkable feeling if you believe in it. The older I get the more I’m realizing that it’s a truth and that I am a lot more receptive than when I was younger.

    Thank you for your response and getting the hamster wheels going! 🙂

  12. Shelley

    Hi Anna,
    I just wanted to add to what several others have said about being a Twin Flame. I also have my Twin Flame in my life; although we are not currently in a relationship together (we work together). However, we both knew the moment we first met what we were, even though we couldn’t put it into words. It is complicated, as we are both in relationships with other people (and he has children with her), but I have no doubt in my heart that someday we will be together. My relationship with my boyfriend is karmic, and this karma has to be resolved before anything could ever happen with my Twin.

    Ever since I first met my Twin Flame, I have had many dreams about him; dreams that are very detailed and vivid. These dreams provide insights and information into his life (including his relationship with his girlfriend), his mindset, and our connection. I have never had dreams like this prior to meeting him (or with anyone else). Over the last year or so, since I have been working hard at my own spiritual development, I have started to have visions of him as well, and I feel that our connection has strengthened. It is very true what others have said, that you can’t really know what it is like until you have experienced it yourself. The connection you have with your Twin Flame is indescribable. The love that you share with your Twin is not earthly love; it really is love from the Other Side. I never knew what Unconditional Love was until I met my Twin Flame. And I know that he loves me the same way too (he doesn’t even need to tell me).

    From some of what you wrote in your article, I believe there are some misconceptions about what a Twin Flame is. As another person already mentioned, Twin Flames are ‘additive’. Another term is ‘complementary’. A good book to read is Twin Souls: Finding Your True Spiritual Partner By: Patricia Joudry and Maurie D. Pressman. In the book, the complementary nature of Twin Flames is explained; Twin Flames are the mirror images of one another, meaning they have many similarities, but since they have lived different lives and have had different earthly experiences, they also have differences. One of the purposes of Twin Flames is to complement one another, such that a ‘weakness’ in one is a ‘strength’ in the other, and so they can then learn from one another until they become two complete, whole Souls.

    Twin Flames, much like Soul Mates, can be anyone; your mother, father, sibling, cousin, neighbour, teacher, friend, etc. I have had past lives with my Twin Flame where were married, where he was my child, and where we were brothers in the Greek Senate (among others). Soul Mate relationships are romantic; whereas Twin Flame relationships are about a mission. Twin Flames come together in service to the world.

  13. Shawn

    I appreciate this article very much. While I feel we have yet to understand fully in our human brains the various types of connections we encounter through our lives – I do not adhere to “labels” so much anymore. It pains me as a reader to see those who are “stuck” on a person for years or decades waiting for some “reunion” at a future date when this such person “realizes” their love for my client. Unrequited love is painful and wants an explanation – and the Twin Flame label has found its home in many well meaning folks who put their lives on hold for a fantasy. It is damaging at the very least to the ego – and does not foster the type of self love and growth that should come from such an encounter. We must take caution before apply such a heavy label as a Twin Flame or whatever – as it seems to be a “club” that everyone wants to be a part of and feel left out of if they haven’t been “chosen” to have one.
    Confusing? You bet it is! Yes I can see connections – what people choose to call them is up to them. I for one would always encourage clients to learn to love self and take focus off of anyone who has chose to leave their life – and get back to enjoying and loving life again! What’s that old saying? If you love something….set it free?

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