Trigger warning: this article goes into some of my own traumatic past life memories that might disturb some readers.
I have always been very interested in past lives and I have tried lots of methods to find out more about them: I had a past life reading which covered one lifetime in England during the 1700s, and I had a past life regression session several years ago in the UK (which didn’t work because of noise disturbances in the building while I was being hypnotized).
Last year I booked myself in for some past life regression sessions with the regression therapist Coletta Long who lives in Austin, Texas. Coletta became ill before I was due to go, so that didn’t work out either.
The interest in my past lives was the reason why I was drawn to becoming an intuitive/healer, training as an Akashic record reader initially (which has a focus on past lives.) The fascination in past lives was the springboard that got me into the work I do now. The first person who did a past life reading for me told me that the intense interest in my past lives was because I had something I needed to heal.
However, whenever I tried to find out anything about my past lives I felt blocked and I couldn’t get any information.
Nine or ten months ago, I started having dreams, each one with a particular ‘energetic signature’ that I recognized as a past life, because I have done a lot of past life readings for others…
I have written about these past life dreams before.
In the first one, I was an Asian woman with a new baby and I rowed out to the middle of a lake and dropped the baby in. I was feeling very numb as I did it. I didn’t feel sad.
I realized when I woke up that the baby in that lifetime is one of my parents in this lifetime.
(I have had bad dreams about lakes since I was a child – people drowning in lakes is a recurring dream for me.)
A couple of months after I had the dream about the baby in the lake, I woke up from a dream where I was a religious authority in Spain during the Spanish Inquisition. I felt I was either a psychopath or mentally ill (or both.) I was working on eradicating people who were not Catholic.
I was pretty shocked about that. I felt disconnected from this dream and numb about it.
A couple of months later I dreamt that I was in Greece, and kept in a school by German soldiers. I was a young woman. Some of the soldiers were deceiving us and pretending to be nice to us because they wanted us to stay in the school. The other prisoners who were in the school with me were in denial, expecting to be treated well and I remember a sense of desperate frustration around this, because I absolutely knew that I was going to die if I didn’t get away. I was considering hiding in school cupboards and I escaped at one point.
I didn’t feel myself as Jewish, I was just ‘myself’ in the dream. I felt a strong separation of “us” and “them”. And “they” were evil. I sensed it strongly but people around me didn’t. I also feel I was alone – I was either an orphan but I had a husband that I lost. I didn’t have many people around me that I knew.
One of the stand-out memories within that dream: I was running down a dirt track topless. I don’t know where my top went or why I was half naked. A woman I encountered on the track gave me something to wear out of a sense of decency I think, but wouldn’t give me anything else or shelter. I was hungry.
I don’t remember going back or being caught but I do remember a certainty that I was absolutely going to be caught and there was no way out.
(I’ve had dreams of being pursued and “hunted” all my life in this way by evil people, as if there was no way to run or hide, but nothing as specific as this.)
A very specific and astonishing detail of the dream: in the dream I was speaking some kind of Spanish. I studied Spanish at university and lived in Spain so I do occasionally dream in Spanish.
But the Spanish that I was speaking in the dream was not the Castilian Spanish I was taught. It was a kind of Spanish I didn’t recognize – I noticed it resembled some types of Latin American Spanish in a few specific aspects of the phonology – which is not how I speak Spanish. But when I woke up I thought I must have made the sounds and the words up because it wasn’t like anything I’d heard before.
When I woke up I thought the dream made absolutely zero sense because I was speaking Spanish in Greece. (Plus a sort of Spanish that I’d never heard before that I thought I must have made up in my dream.)
But it felt unequivocally like a past life to me.
I couldn’t imagine a scenario where this could have occurred, so feeling skeptical, I started researching on the internet.
I learned that when the Jews were expelled from Spain during the Spanish Inquisition, they moved to different places in Europe. One of the areas they moved to was Greece. Almost all of the Spanish Jews settled and remained in communities in Thessaloniki and Kastoria and a few other places too. But the vast majority were apparently in Thessaloniki.
I learned that when the Sephardic (Spanish) Jews left Spain they took the language with them, and it had evolved in its own way, and assimilated some Hebrew into the language, and it was called Judeo-Spanish or Ladino. I looked up this language and noticed that the particular similarities in phonology to Latin American Spanish that I noticed waking up from the dream did indeed exist.
I never looked any further than this at the time, but I was surprised that in the dream I was speaking what seemed to be Ladino (a dying and almost extinct language that I had never heard before – I certainly didn’t study it at university nor did I study Greece or any modules to do with the Spanish Inquisition.)
Anyway, that was a few months ago and I forgot about it. Recently I had another dream.
I dreamt that I was in what seemed to be a hospital ward in a concentration camp. First I was shown the other part of the concentration camp which was for men and they were in terrible conditions. I saw them go in strong and muscly and then saw them emaciated and naked, kept like cattle with no clothes.
I was among the women. (This was all from a first person standpoint, as before.)
I saw one woman whose hands had been amputated, and another woman comforting her.
There was one woman on a stretcher who had been paralyzed during an operation but the doctor told her the paralysis would only be temporary and she seemed cheerful and hopeful but I had doubts. There was another woman who was always arguing with everyone, I specifically remember the way she was built and her face. Her skin was all mottled and seemed transparent. They looked Jewish to me.
There wasn’t a sense that the people who were doing this were evil, because they were pretending it was for our own good and they were operating on existing problems. There was a sense of confusion as to what was going on and why.
This is where the dream ended, but the energy of the dream was confusion, denial, numbness, a sort of dissociation which I know is characteristic of trauma. I couldn’t feel any suffering and I was out of my body. I didn’t feel an imminent sense of danger like before that I needed to get away from, as in the school.
I woke up and did some research to find out if this was plausible – did they take Spanish Jews to the concentration camps? By this point, I hadn’t linked it to the dream in the school.
I found out that the population of Sephardic/Spanish Jews was almost entirely decimated in Greece by the Holocaust (98%.)
Most of the Spanish Jews were in Thessaloniki and many of them were gassed or used for medical experiments.
I found this fact in my research:
At Auschwitz, about 37,000 from Thessaloniki were gassed immediately, especially women, children and the elderly. Nearly a quarter of all 400 experiments perpetrated on the Jews were on Greek Jews, especially those from Thessaloniki. These experiments included emasculation and implantation of cervical cancer in women.
I also read that they did amputate and paralyze for experiments.
I had learned Thessaloniki was one of the places where you would have found a lot of Judeo-Spanish speakers.
The other place was Kastoria.
Astonishingly, I read the following about Kastoria:
There were 900 Jews in Kastoria in 1940.
In March 1944, 763 of them were rounded up for deportation, first to Thessaloniki and then to Auschwitz-Birkenau. Prior to their deportation, they were enclosed in an abandoned school for days, with no food or water, and the young girls were raped by German soldiers. Thirty-five Jews survived the Holocaust in Kastoria.
This was incredible to me because it matched my dream rather well: the abandoned school, the strange ‘Spanish’ dialect (because the Jews waiting in the school would have spoken that), and running along a dirt track with no top on. I wondered how I lost my top and if I got raped. (I was a young woman.)
I also read that the Greek Jews had been very naive when they were rounded up by the Nazis, not believing that they would be on their way to a death camp, because the information hadn’t reached Greece that this was occurring to Jews. This was the strong sense I had in my first dream – I was sensing grave danger but the people around me were not and I felt a sense of desperation around it.
700 odd people also seems about right as does the time period of a few-several days. There weren’t thousands of people in my first dream, as normally associated with concentration camps or people on their way to those camps.
So, from the school, they would have gone to Thessaloniki, then to Auschwitz, and from there 100 of them would have been experimented on medically.
I am astounded that what I felt certain to be past-life information matches up so well with history.
It’s also interesting to me because I was an Inquisitor first, then I became a Jew. So it makes some sense from the karmic perspective.
Interestingly, I have experienced prejudice and abuse because of my beliefs in this lifetime. I believe that all religions have an underlying teaching from the same source, and that all are valid paths.
But I have met with prejudice and people who don’t like or even hate me for my beliefs and the worst situations have been with Spanish people and Catholics.
Another synchronicity I have experienced around the Holocaust: last year I rented the movie ‘La Vida e Bella’. The cover of it was misleading because it had a happy family on it and the back cover did not mention concentration camps at all. Normally I would never rent a movie about the war or concentration camps or violence, death or atrocities. I don’t have the stomach for it and never have.
When I finished it (which was an achievement for me in itself), I sat down to write to a friend who was having a past life regression done that week. I channeled some information which said that many new-agers (i.e. People who are interested in healing the spirit and personal growth) are reincarnated Holocaust victims who are seeking healing and don’t quite know why. I also understood that many spiritual healing modalities developed since World War Two were developed by and for reincarnated Holocaust victims.
I mentioned this to the friend who was in past life regression sessions that week, who wrote back to say that the sessions revealed they had also been in the Holocaust.
I don’t believe I participated in the Holocaust because I needed to be punished for persecuting Jews in the Inquisition lifetime (it didn’t even occur to me until I looked further into the Spanish Inquisition that that was what the Inquisitors were doing specifically to Jews.) I still wonder why karma seems to be set up this way, because it seems like a strange ‘game’ to play sometimes.
My past life dreams are not very heavy on emotion. Instead I am observing a still picture, or I am exploring the scene in the first-person, but I am not being re-traumatized. If I was caught or raped, I haven’t re-experienced that. There is a sense of distance.
I don’t know if I will get the next ‘instalment’ of the dream or if I already received it 4 years ago with this dream that I wrote about which shocked me to the core.
I have felt reticent about blogging about this in case it is considered insensitive to claim you are a reincarnated Holocaust victim who underwent medical experimentation. I have developed my intuition to a point where I know when it is right and when it is wrong. And I wholeheartedly believe in this past life.
When it is the right time I look forward to finding out more in past life regression sessions.
Have you done a past life regression? Please use the comment box to share your thoughts or stories.